Team Courage fans know 2012 has been a challenge for us. We approached the year with the audacious goal of racing in 4 countries in 12 months, only to be way-laid by another breast reconstruction failure and brutal repair surgery that forced Michele Martineau out of all racing for the year. But surely you didn’t think Team Courage would just idle while everyone else was revving, did you? Well, you’re silly if you did!

Michele here, writing to you from my recovery couch while Emme Hall is out doing what she does best-kicking ass and taking names.And that’s not all. Not only is she an energetic force to be reckoned with in every aspect of life, she also has a great heart. She has arrived in Vegas and will be driving her new 2/1600 in the Mint 400 with 300 of the off road racings world’s biggest and best drivers.

This will be Emme’s first time behind the wheel of her new baby, and for this special occasion she has teamed up with Dezert Outlaw Motorsports to support Team Tracie. She could have hopped in her race car by herself and rocked out by herself, but that’s not her style. Emme is in the dirt, and she’s using her spotlight to help others.

Team Tracie was founded by Sammy Navarro to raise money to fight colorectal cancer, and their mission is to help spread the word of early detection in the fight against colorectal cancer. Early detection is very important and vital, for over 80% of all cases of colorectal cancer can be prevented with screenings and follow up appointments. March is Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month, and the team wants to pay tribute to Tracie and encourage her to stay strong.  Tracie, you are not alone!

“When Sammy told me about Tracie’s story I was only too happy to help.  Racing for Tracie in the Mint will be such an honor.  The fact that I get to share driving duties with Sammy is just a bonus.”

Sammy is excited as well. “I can’t tell you how excited I am to be teaming up with such a wonderful person like Emme and her motley band of racers.  Through this partnership we will be able to spread the word about colorectal cancer and honor my friend, Tracie.  I would like to thank Emme for allowing me to bring along my team members Mike Jenkins and Cortney Mcrae and race with the TeamTracie.org and FightColorectalCancer.org names on the new 2/1600.  Together we are going to make a fantastic showing at the Mint 400”

I am so proud to be a teammate and friend with such a person. When I had to withdraw from the 2012 Rallye Aicha des Gazelles Emme could have easily found another partner, but she is waiting with me and together we will conquer Morocco in 2013. She has been pivotal in spreading the word about Team Courage and helping us raise money for breast cancer charities, and is now helping out Team Tracie as well. Not many people can take their passion and use it to help others, and Emme is an inspiration to so many.

I have so many friends that will be in Vegas this weekend for the race, and I can’t wait to watch it all unfold. The Mint 400 is one of the best known desert races in the United States.  The new 400-mile course is located in Jean, Nevada, and will feature a high-speed passing zone near a dedicated spectator area, as well as rocky washes, silt beds, high-speed graded roads, rock gardens, and the giant rolling jumps The Mint is famous for. Additionally, racers will start side-by-side (two at a time), making “turn one” a new exciting spectacle of the race.

Good luck to all of my friends out there this weekend: stay safe and good luck. And to my friend, I’ll be cheering you on from Colorado!

Emme, Sammy, and Michele

Hall Ass rocks! Holla!!

This blog post is being cross posted to several blogs. Want to learn more? Follow the links to Team Courage Racing, Team Courage Gazelles, Hall Ass Racing, Team Tracie, and Michele’s breast reconstruction blog Courage Is My Strength.

This is a post that will be on all of my sites, Courage Is My Strength, Team Courage Racing, and Team Courage Gazelles. Since you are reading this now, you probably know that I had a double mastectomy to prevent breast cancer almost exactly 2 years ago. I have been going through reconstruction since, and due to loss of insurance and several complications a process that should have taken just a few months has stretched into years. But I have been using my story as a way to hopefully light the path for other women fearful of breast reconstruction and have wanted from the bottom of my heart to take some of the fear from those women and hopefully inspire them to chase their dreams at the same time. Courage Is My Strength is about educating by sharing my reconstruction story, and Team Courage is about inspiring women to never give up.

Over the last few months I have guessed that I’ve developed a new problem with my reconstruction. I have been so caught up and excited in my upcoming adventure with my Team Courage Gazelle partner Emme that I have been successfully able to put my worries to the back of my mind. I knew I had developed a fairly rare complication called symmastia, but I really tried not to think about it. But now I have to come to the realization that I can’t ignore this condition any longer.

Basically, to give you the quick version, my pectoral muscle has detached from my breastbone. This is exactly as uncomfortable as it sounds. Since my implants are under that muscle, it means that my implants can cross over the breastbone to the wrong side. They can touch each other and move around in ways they shouldn’t. I could live with that, and have been doing just fine ignoring it for awhile, but recently the muscles have begun to tear more allowing for more movement and causing quite a bit of pain, not to mention it has become physically disfiguring. There are other minor issues going on as well, but the worsening of my symmastia is a problem I can no longer overlook. The surgeries to fix this problem will be painful and I will really have to be diligent in taking care of myself during recovery. I will be pretty limited in my activities, but doing it right will make sure I don’t have to go through this again.

The Ladies of Team Courage - Betsy, Michele, Emme, and Heather

So many of you have been so supportive of Team Courage as well as Courage Is My Strength, and your support means the world to me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It is with heavy heart that I have to tell you that I will be most likely looking at several surgeries in 2012, and will not be able to race at all this year. Including Morocco. My dream of racing in 4 countries in 12 months is over for this year.

Please know that this isn’t the end of Team Courage! I have had lengthy discussions with all of my team, and all three girls are being super supportive and ready to make 2012 a great year for all of us! Emme was amazing enough to decide to stay with me and sit this year out instead of replacing me. She not only said that she can’t imagine doing the Gazelle Rally without me, she also wisely pointed out that if we are really going to be representing women facing breast cancer, we need to be honest that this kind of stuff happens, and complications are sometimes part of it. So we may be out for 2012, but we are still making big plans.

The 4 of us will all be together for the NORRA Mexican 1000. I will be there to support my team as well as to offer support to the organization that is like my family, if they should need me. The 4 of us will be together for the Powder Puff as well. Again, even if I can’t race, I will be there to cheer on my girls. I’m so proud to say there will be at least one Team Courage vehicle in both events.

The extra time Emme and I will now have to get to Morocco allows us to really do things right. We can launch a really great marketing and funding campaign and also put together a totally rad story about overcoming some pretty amazing obstacles to make it to Morocco. And we WILL make it to Morocco.

Don’t give up on us! Your support during these difficult months will mean everything to us. Plan on hearing a lot from us as we continue racing to make a difference to women facing breast cancer. We have fund raisers, events, fun times, and even a documentary on the horizon. We will see you soon!

I wanted to make sure that each name was mentioned here on our site, and photos of every name will follow. Thank you all for being a part of our adventure. Team Courage would not exist without the Courage and Strength of you all!

Here’s a slideshow of the tributes, click on a photo to enlarge it. It will advance automatically, or you can click “next” below the images.

Washington,D.C., September 26, 2011 – Michele Martineau of Team Courage Racing and Emme Hall of Hall Ass Racing are proud to announce their alliance with West Coast Hooters as they raise funds forCedars-SinaiBreastCancerResearchCenterin association with MORE’s Royal Purple Synthetic Oil’s 6th Annual Powder Puff Race for the Cure October 7-8 inBarstow,CA.

Simply visit http://teamcourageracing.com/hootersevent.html  or http://teamcouragegazelles.com/hootersevent.html to print out a flyer.  Bring it to Hooters of Rancho Bernardo at16911 West Bernardo Drive,San Diego,CA92127 on Monday October 3rd from 6-9pm, and West Coast Hooters will donate 20% of your tab to Cedars-Sinai.  Please note that this offer is valid ONLY at the Rancho Bernardo location.

Each year the Powder Puff raises more than $100,000 to support theCedars-SinaiBreastCancerResearchCenter. Race organizers expect more than 75 teams and 25,000 spectators. Competitors run the gamut from first-time drivers to professional racers with many podium finishes in both national and international races.  The only requirement is that drivers and co-drivers be female.  

“Don’t let the term Powder Puff fool you,” said Hall Ass driver Emme Hall. “These ladies drive just as aggressively as the men. We got fourth in class in 2009, second in class last year and I’m gunning for first this year.”

About Cedars-Sinai Breast Cancer Research Center

Dedicated to breast health, the Center provides prevention, diagnosis and treatment of all types of breast-related disease. Patient education, cancer screening, genetic risk assessment and risk reduction are key components of their program in addition to oncologic and plastic reconstructive surgery. These services are available in one convenient location.   http://www.cedars-sinai.edu

About Team Courage Racing

Founded in 2009 by breast cancer ‘previvor’ Michele Martineau, Team Courage Racing consists of a Baja 1000 winner, a prior enlisted member of the Army AND Air Force, and a former Director of the National Off Road Racing Association.  Team Courage is currently planning races in the USand Baja to raise money for breast cancer charities and to continue to encourage other women to keep living their lives to the fullest.   http://teamcourageracing.com

About Hall Ass Racing

Hall Ass Racing  includes driver Emme Hall and her father, Larry Hall, as well as a team of unpaid (but highly appreciated) mechanics, welders and wrenchers. Emme lives in Washington, D.C.and works as the Costume Manager at Ford’s Theatre when she isn’t reviewing cars for Roadfly TV or campaigning her stock Miata in SCCA autocross events. With team mate Michele, Emme will also be competing in the Rallye Aicha des Gazelles in Moroccoin 2012 as Team Courage Gazelles.  http://www.hallassracing.com   http://teamcouragegazelles.com 

About Hooters

Hooters provides every guest a unique, entertaining dining experience in a fun and casual atmosphere delivered by attractive, vivacious Hooters Girls while making positive contributions to the communities in which we live.  The casual beach-theme establishments feature “oldies” jukebox music, sports on television, and a menu that includes seafood, sandwiches, salads and spicy chicken wings. http://www.hooters.com

Hi All,

I want to express how grateful I am for all the support I have gotten from all my close family and friends. I can’t tell you how much all of your support means to me, there just aren’t enough words! 

Who would have thought that not even a year from my reconstructive surgery I would be doing the Dirty Dash!  I am only 9 months post op and already I have the strength and willpower to complete tasks like climbing walls, crawling through culverts and jumping large obstacles like 1 ton straw bales and hopping through what seemed like 100’s of tires. All while running 6 miles and wading through the mud! 

After weeks of preparation and counting the days, the Dirty Dash was finally here.  On August 27^th in Boise Idaho, 11 runners and 9 team supporters (picture takers and laughing-finger pointers) attended the 2^nd annual fun run.  I have never been more proud seeing that Team Courage Logo on such a wonderful group of people.

The run started out great, it was down hill! Lol! That definitely got the legs warmed up for the grueling 6 mi adventure ahead of us.  As we rounded the first corner we came to very large 1 ton straw bales. As I watched, I paid attention to how the others were going over. Some just hurled themselves over like a gunny sack full of potatoes, while others took the leap of faith. At one point I saw a couple girls I know do what I like to call the porpoise. An example of this would be when you jump with your legs extended behind you with full intent on landing father on the top of the bale than you really do, only to end up stuck half way on top rocking in hopes of  furthering your position and ability to get over.  I chose to the leap and spin method.  This is when you jump on the bale and while on top you spin your legs around like an 80’s break dancer and FALL off the other side. It worked for me and by the 5^th bale I could have won a break dancing contest!

After a half mile or so we came to balancing beams, they were super easy and there were no problems there, not even mud underneath to make them interesting.  This is when the trail became a little more challenging, up and down, up and down. 

The next obstacle included culverts you had to crawl through. There was a waterfall near the trail so one side was pretty muddy and the other dry dust. I being the girl I am chose the dry side. This was apparently the wrong decision on my part because I was heckled by my teammates for being a “Pansy”. I like Pansies so I didn’t mind.

Further down the trail I noticed we were heading up a pretty good incline and from the rear I heard, “You have got to be kidding me!” (Kimberly? Was that you?)  So I examined the trail a little more to find what seemed like an ocean of tires!  Big ones, small ones, tall ones, short ones. I’m certain if I would have looked hard enough there might be a spare set of BFG’s  there I could have picked up for the race truck for a minimal price. I tried hopping and jumping, but to no avail there was no way I was going to look anywhere near “cool” in the tire section.  (This is where I need to apologize to that wonderful lady I took out.  I am sincerely sorry who ever you were, and you my friend, did a stellar job of looking “cool” in the tire section!  

As we finished the tire section I saw people on the top of the ridge line and I thought to myself, “That can’t be, WE are all the way DOWN here and THEY are ALL THE WAY UP THERE!”  And so it began. THE HILL OF DOOM!  I’m not talking any hill it went on FOREVER! Then it dawned on me, “DUH! We are on a ski slope!” (Sometimes it takes me a while)  At one point we as a team stopped and did a little cheerleading for the other runners. It made Team Courage look great! (While secretly resting)  It might have helped other runners forget their despair on the HILL OF DOOM.

I looked around and one of the Courage runners had that look of, ”OMG! We are in trouble now!” on his face. He was right. The first of the really dirty mud pits was ahead.

To the one side was a very “nice” gentleman keeping the mud pit wet with a fire hose. He wasn’t trustworthy at all. He’d turn on you in a split second.  This mud pit was FUN with a capital F! It started out with more culverts. They were not clean at all. Mud up to your elbows. (Look who’s NOT and PANSY now!)  I went through the culvert and was happy to see the whole team in the mud at the same time. The culverts ended in mud that was  up to your thighs, with 4 or 5 Great big PVC pipes about 10 inches over top of the mud. You were supposed to go over them I think. I climbed over the first one and was pushed under the next one. After that I was looking for speed so I just swam under the rest and got the heck out of there. 

Just when you thought the HILL OF DOOM was over…OH NO! It continued. It went on for another mile or so. Just when I was sure that everyone that I had talked in to joining me in this “fun run” was about to kill me…OOOHHH YEAAAAAAAH! It was BEER CHUG obstacle time! I was never so happy to see Natty Light! (Natural Light Beer for those of you who are non beer drinkers) It’s cheap, it’s bitter and it is such a MORAL BOOSTER after the Ole” HILL O’ DOOM!  There were smiles all around…but only after the head shake and bitter beer faces were under control. 

I am ashamed to admit, but on the way down the hill after the beer chug, I was miserable. I thought either I was going to barf foam or explode. That beer was not a welcome guest in my stomach, and so, I BELCHED LIKE A MAN! From behind me I heard one woman say, “Now that’s not very lady like.” And another man yelled, “HELL YEAH!”  All I could do is keep running and laugh and pray I didn’t wet my shorts!

It was all down hill well, except for a couple of ladder obstacles, you had to climb up one side and down the other. I don’t know how some people did it, but they found the strength to do flips and other crazy acrobatics. I was just concerned with how I was going to get my 15 pound dirt clods I called feet over the top without slipping and falling to my demise.

There was a balancing beam after the ladders, this time  it was over mud. Another runner, not from our team dared me to do it on one foot so I did. I’m sure he was hoping I’d fall in the mud but I am TEAM COURAGE, I ain’t scared! With grace and speed I hopped the whole length of the beam, and when I landed in front of him I yelled, “SO THERE” I stopped and turned around and had to laugh when I saw the rest of Team Courage so the same as I did. It was a proud moment for me.

It was less than ¾ of a mile to the finish from there.  I could see the part I was most excited for coming up next. The largest inflated water slide I have ever been on. I again took count to see if we had everyone on the team with us. (I’m a mother hen that way) I counted 11 and had to smile because there for a second I could see more Team Courage shirts than anything else.

I’ve got COURAGE yes I do! I’ve got COURAGE how about you! This is me at my most athletic moment!

I really had this dream built up in my head that I was going to dive belly first on the slide with the  gracefulness of a  swan and the speed of a runaway train. I WAS GOING TO MAKE IT TO THE VERY END OF THAT SLIDE! (Anyone who really knows me knows, it was just a dream. I am not, nor will I ever be graceful or look cool during anything remotely athletic) It was finally MY TURN!  I took off with what I thought was bolt of lightening speed, I extended my arms to increase my aerodynamic-ness, I jumped with total dedication to my dream.

What happened next was not only graceless it was lumbering!  I was not graceful, not even just a little. While running to the slide the mud was, well…slippery! I lost traction, so there went my speed. And without speed you can’t get lift, without lift, you can kiss your swan dive goodbye! I looked similar to that of a scared cat. Pawing and scrambling for any kind of forward momentum. NOT PRETTY! I finally got up and tried again….with the same results. I may have even fallen down a couple times after that. SLIDE 4, Heather 0! The rest of the team was behind me, so when I turned to see how they were doing I was happy that I was not the only one looking un-cool on the slide. I can’t describe what I saw, but I will say everyone had their own version of the “scared cat” water slide maneuver.

I gave up being excited for the slide and shifted my excitement to the mud pit that lay before us. The WHOLE Team stood there with this kind of crazy eyed look. We lined up about ten feet from the edge. We all agreed we’d do cannonballs into the mud.

DID I MENTION MUD IS SLIPPERY?

We all ran for the mud pit, but again for all of us elegance was a distant memory. John is the only one that attempted and successfully completed a cannonball. As for the rest of us; MUD – 10, Team Courage – 1!  The mud was really watery up top but the part you couldn’t see was the 15 inches of sludge that lay beneath the surface. It had a suction to it that was unrelenting. I thought for sure I was loosing a shoe. Maybe even my shorts. That’s when I thought I better make my way to the other side. That’s also when my good friend Kim decided she had better plans for me and pushed me down further into the abyss.  I looked ahead only to see Jeff in a full on SWIM across the much thinner top surface leaving me in his muddy wake. The rest of Team Courage was standing on the edge offering much needed assistance getting out.

We WERE FINISHED!  It was so FUN and I would DEFINITELY DO IT AGAIN!

I am thrilled that the team made it without injury and everyone had a beaming smile across the finish.  I am looking forward to doing it all again!

I can say that being apart of Team Courage has brought me so many smiles.  I have made wonderful new friends and I have strengthened friendships I already had. I am excited to see what Team Courage accomplishes in the days weeks and years to come.   Every time an event just like this one happens Team Courage gains more momentum.  I am PROUD to say, “ All of you that participate and get involved are not only helping us, you are helping women gain the courage to battle their cancer demons, you may never meet them, but you are touching their lives, YOU ARE TEAM COURAGE!  And we thank you!

I love you all!

Heather

If you had only 8 months to change your life,could you do it? Could you change your life and chase down your biggest dream?

My dream? Imagine endless dunes of sand. A majestic camel loping off into the distance. The hum of the arid wind gusting along,growing louder and stronger and slowly being overtaken by the growl of an engine as a vehicle launches itself over a dune. Two voices from within cheer in triumph as another mile of the incredible Rallye Aicha des Gazelles is conquered.

To me this scene is comparable to something out of Arabian Nights. My blood pounds with the thoughts of lifting my voice to the Moroccan wind while challenging my courage,strength,and will against the 9 day rally in the Sahara desert. The Rallye Aicha des Gazelles is the only all-women’s off road rally in the world. The rally is a test of driving skills and navigation across southern Morocco’s most challenging terrain. The teams are not allowed technological assistance,no GPS,no communications or crews,and must find the shortest distance between the checkpoints over 9 days with only the aid of traditional navigation,limited to compass,outdated maps,and plotters. Last year only 2 US teams competed in the rally. I want to be one of the few women to ever represent the US in this truly amazing adventure in March,2012.

And just who in the heck am I,and why do I think I can become a Gazelle? I like to think of myself as a simple Southern woman living in Colorado,but I must admit I live a double life. Part of the year I live in small town Colorado,enjoying being a mom,wife,and receptionist for a medical office. But when my inner adventurer can be contained no longer I load up my car and head to California. I live alone and spend every moment on fire,taming,or perhaps feeding,the off road racing demon that lives inside me.

I have been fortunate to have had the support to develop my own team,Team Courage Racing. I have been a part of the National Off Road Racing Association for two years,helping promote and participating in the production of the Mexican 1000,a 1000 mile rally traversing the peninsula of Baja. Working with NORRA has been incredibly fulfilling,but I now realize that my little demon needs more excitement than being on the sidelines can give. 2012 is shaping up to be a big year for Team Courage in the US and Baja,but our most incredible adventure will be the Gazelle in Morocco.

How does a Southern Belle end up in the dirt? As a little girl,my mom always dressed me in frilly dresses. I even wore those dresses as I rode my pink banana seat bike and jumped the ramps with the boys. I had only limited exposure to off road racing,but I was in the woods on the back of a motorcycle,atv,or behind the wheel of a Land Rover every moment I could grab. In 2009 two life changing events occurred-I had the opportunity to be a part of a documentary experiencing the Baja peninsula with Baja legend Larry Roeseler as a guide;and I was forced at the age of 37 to face my mortality as I found myself on the road to breast cancer.

Fortunately,I did not have breast cancer. Facing a 40% likelihood of developing cancer I decided to take my life into my own hands and voluntarily underwent preventative mastectomies and breast reconstruction,becoming what is known as a Previvor. I confronted the breast cancer beast head on,and although I am not yet finished with my reconstruction,I have become determined to chase down my dreams and do my damnedest to make them a reality. While doing so,I strive to make a difference to other women-facing cancer or not-and have developed Team Courage as a way to tackle my fears and dreams while hopefully encouraging and inspiring others.

My off road adventures have introduced many amazing people into my life. I’m fortunate to be able to surround myself with some of the greatest people I know by working together as a team,using our love of off road racing as a means to bring hope to others. Team Courage Racing also includes Heather Berger,Betsy Anderson,Joe Desrosiers,and Scott Larsen. Gazelle teams are made up 2 women, and Team Courage Racing will be joining forces with Hall Ass Racing to make this adventure happen. Emme Hall and I will be working with our teams to prepare ourselves for this amazing event.

Can I survive 9 days in the Sahara desert? Of the members of our teams,I am obviously the weakest link. I won’t let that stop me. A year and a half of recovery from various surgeries has left me weak and out of shape. Growing up far from the desert has put me way behind the experience of my team. But I know that I can rise to this challenge. It will mean dramatically changing my habits,a brutal exercise program,and hitting the desert as often as I can to have as much seat time as possible. I know I can do this. And if I can do this,imagine what YOU can do.

I have about 8 months to train my body and mind for 9 days in the Sahara desert. 36 weeks to become a stronger driver. 240 days to prepare for the challenge of my life.

The road to Morocco will be paved with triumphs and failures. I’m expecting a tremendous amount of laughter and tears. I have an incredible family and team behind me. I am not alone.

My Road to Morocco stories offer a look into what a 30 something breast cancer Previvor goes through when she decided to tackle her biggest,most audacious dream and make the most of the life she’s sacrificed her body for. What’s ahead? A humorous look at the challenges of ditching my southern ways,the torture of putting my body back to work,turning a shop into a co-ed fight zone,and the race for sponsorships to get us to Morocco and raise money for our charities.

What can YOU get done in 8 months?

I absolutely can’t put off any longer the complete revamp of the poor old Team Courage site. It has been neglected since October. I left the Powder Puff race to rush back to Colorado for my implant swap surgery. As you probably know,the surgery didn’t go so well. I battled with my surgeons,battled with depression,and had to have surgery again,and just didn’t have it in me to update that site. It made me sad to even think about Team Courage because I wasn’t sure when I would be able to focus on it again. So I just kind of ignored it.

Well,I can’t ignore it any longer because I feel better and I’m right here with my truck! She is just calling to me everyday! So,although time grows very short,I’m trying to get the truck ready to take part in the Mexican 1000 in May. I won’t be able to drive,partially because of my responsibilities with NORRA but also because I’m not allowed to go off road until I’m fully healed from my last surgery. That will probably be in June. But I would still love to be able to have my truck be a part of the event.

I moved the truck last weekend to start the prep process. I have started contacting potential sponsors and organizations to see if there is any help out there for our Team. I have some really big news about that,but want to release it on the Team Courage site.

I took some time to make 2 videos for Team Courage. I have found that it’s hard for busy people to read a package and really understand what we’re all about. So I made these two videos and they have been extremely effective. I hope you are able to take the time to watch them. I can finally watch the second one without getting misty eyed. And yes,I was NOT supposed to be doing what I was doing in that video. That’s why I did it all by myself! But I paid for it later. I’m fine,but I was really worried I pulled some stitches again for a few days.

Oh,the beginings are almost the same,but they are 2 different videos.

I am now almost 13 months from my bilateral mastectomy. 4 months from my first implant swap with silicone implants. 3 1/2 months from damaging my surgery site and the falling of my left implant. 7 weeks from my second implants swap and horribly painful muscle repair. And for the first time since I found the lump in my breast I feel like I’m moving forward with my life.

No more constant reminders of my freakish body every time I move and feel the expanders under my skin. No more sadness or the gut wrenching feeling when seeing my scarred body with hard plastic deformed balls that look glued to my chest. No more trips to the doctor to have my expanders filled,causing tightness and pain for days. No more wondering when my next surgery will be,or what I will look like when this is all over. No more fear of my implant falling further down my abdomen.

I no longer feel like a freak 24 hours a day.

This is not to say that I don’t have my moments still of emotions and mental difficulties. Although I feel more comfortable and I’m not constantly reminded by pain of what my body has been through,I still see myself in the mirror every day and see my scars. I see my nipple-less breasts that almost look and feel normal. Seeing scars stretched across such a feminine area is difficult. It is a reminder of the trials of the past year.

But I am getting back to normal. Being busy helps a lot,and it’s also helpful that I’m not so obviously freakish when wearing clothes. I can lay on my stomach and wear bras and look completely normal in my clothes. My breasts feel real to the touch,which I never would have believed would be possible,especially during the expander stage.

I still have to be very careful because of my muscle damage. I can’t lift much of anything,less than 20 pounds only. I can’t run,jog,bounce,ride horses or motorcycles or in a race car. I can’t push or pull or lean forward for long periods of time. If I over-do it,I can definitely feel the left implant become a little unsettled from where it should be,and it’s a very scary and disturbing feeling. I don’t ever want to have to go through muscle repair again. And if you know me,you know I’m excitable and impulsive,and it’s been so helpful to have people that care about me around me to make sure I behave.

My breasts look ok. They almost look real. These implants are much closer together than my last ones,so I actually have cleavage instead of a huge gap between my breasts. If you really look,you can tell the cleavage is a little odd. My skin was pulled away from my breast bone and the implants actually touch there in the center of my chest. It’s a little strange because the skin doesn’t go all the way to my body like it should,and the implants are very close together. I have a tremendous fear of waking up one morning and discovering the skin has tightened up and made a little bridge between the breasts,creating a uni-boob. I seriously check every morning to make sure everything is still in place…no falling boobies or uni-boobs. So far,so good.

I’ve been fortunate to be able to work for NORRA exclusively for the last few weeks,and this will continue through May. It’s wonderful,because it’s an amazing organization and I’m surrounded by incredible people. And the craziest thing is that here I am,making my childhood dreams come true,and it all started with a lump in my breast. I never would have found NORRA,or started Team Courage,without that awful discovery. I believe there is good in every bad,you just have to look for it sometimes.

I’ve been able to put more time into Team Courage also. I hope to have my truck ready for the Mexican 1000 in May. That is a NORRA event,and I won’t be able to drive it in the event,but I hope to have it there and hope to see it cross the finish line of the 3 day,1000 mile rally down the Baja peninsula.

The truck,Grace,will be moved next week to it’s new temporary home,a local shop that will be helping prep the truck. I’m excited that it will be close so that I can be a part of the prep work,which I missed so much before our last race. I’m going to Phoenix this weekend to pick up several boxes of spare parts and new body parts. I’m so excited about the body panels,they will Grace some more curves. I totally believe in the joy of big hips,and right now the only flare on the truck is over the front wheels. The new panels will flare in the rear as well,giving the truck her much needed hourglass figure.

I will have enough new panels to save my current hood and sides,and I may try to find a new door,so that I can mount an entire side and hood on my walls for decoration. I want to preserve these pieces because I have changed our logo and our sugar skull will never be seen again.

Our new logo is more feminine and friendly. The truck will be painted black to match the logo. We have a lot of work ahead of us,but I’m hopeful that it will work out. I get to do some of the welding and work on the truck,and in the end we’ll be able to race to make a difference to other women facing breast cancer and breast reconstruction. That is what makes it all worth it and wonderful at the end of the day.

Thank you so much to all of you that stay with me through this experience. I couldn’t have stayed sane without my Breast Friends,making sure I knew I was never alone for a moment. Thank you for all of the emails,the touching stories of each of you make me smile and cry,and even when I’m quiet like I have been,I’m still with you in my heart.